... All About Scott
Have you ever felt like there was a stamp on your forehead that screamed something about
you and that everyone you came in contact with automatically new it? Sometimes I feel that
way about my having AIDS. On one hand I want to keep it secret. So that no one will judge
me or think anything is wrong with me. On the other hand there are times that I want to
shout it out. Of course what I need to find is some kind of middle ground. I can tell you ,for
me, that has been very difficult. One of the reasons that I am putting this website up and
sharing this part of my life is to help me find that middle ground. So if I am gonna be your
friend, you need to know a little bit about me.
I am 43 years old at the startup of my campaign. I live in Moreno Valley, California. I have a
modest home here, that I am currently sharing with my dog "Dory", and my cat "Kitty ". I
have a great and super supportive family. My parents live near by and I have four brothers. I
am the middle of five boys. Yes, five boys, my poor Mom! LOL, she still has all her hair and
is a wonderful person. My Dad is retired from the Aerospace industry. They are both very
successful people and have and still do lead great lives. Three of my brothers live close by
with another living in Sacramento. So we are all still in California. My family has supported
me since day one with HIV and I love them for that. I could not ask for a better family.
I have a great son that is fourteen years old. He lives with his family out of state and comes
regular to stay with me. Just recently we had our conversation about HIV and I was so proud
of his reaction, and knowledge of the disease. If only everyone would react like he did then
HIV would be so much easier to deal with. He is a great student, and very close with his
brother. He has overcome some difficult times in his life and I am very, very proud of my boy.
I retired from my career with Riverside County Department of Social Services shortly after
being diagnosed with AIDS. When I was very ill I had the support of practically the whole
department. It is not easy to explain the good feelings generated in oneself when your
coworkers and peers do little things like bring you food and send letters to you when you
are such a low point in your life. I am very grateful for all the support I received during this
time of my illness. I guess you could describe my time working for the County as someone
that worked hard and learned from others. I was lucky to have a mentor in my friend Jim. He
was an instrumental guide in my developing and successfully implementing new software
that helped transform the way my department did business. Creating the Medi-Cal
Automation Program (MAP) is one of my best achievements in the workplace. It taught me
to persevere, to take suggestion, to have confidence in my abilities and my belief that
anyone can make a difference when they have a good idea and are willing to put in the
effort and dedication to make it a reality. Good lessons that I still draw from today.
Since being diagnosed in July of 2003 I have been retired. I say retired to people and they
are always surprised. I was very fortunate with my situation at work that I could take a
medical retirement and that is what I survive on. MY health has been a struggle for almost
four years to get back to "normal", though I feel I have a ways to go yet in this challenging
area brought upon by HIV. I was diagnosed with advanced HIV disease, also known as
AIDS. I had 23 T-cells and a viral load that was off the charts. I had at that time several very
serious health issues that I am glad to say I have overcome for the most part. Most people
say I look very good for having AIDS. LOL, isn't that a funny thing to say. But I think it is
meant with the best of intentions. Today I struggle with Neuropathy and HIV related
Myelopathy, both of which can be at times very painful and difficult. Also all the usual, what I
call minor now, things related to having AIDS and taking the medicines to help control the
virus. Things like fatigue, appetite, nausea, and the dreaded diarrhea. All of these come
with multiple pills and remedies which at times can be a bit overwhelming. Despite all this, I
still feel fortunate. They are others that do not have access to medical care, do not have the
good fortune of having a steady income, and do not have a lot of people in their lives to
support them.
Now isn't that a funny thing to say. I have AIDS and I feel fortunate? Well yes , in some
ways I count myself very lucky. I am still alive, I could very easily not be alive. I went through
almost two years of going to the doctor complaining of various different problems. Each time
I was told it's nothing, or its just the flu, or even to brush my teeth more. But because AIDS
is so taboo, and such a stereotyped disease, no one thought to give me a test. Instead, as I
got sicker and sicker I was told maybe it's cancer, or whatever other disease could be
causing my problems. When I finally showed up at the emergency room literally almost at
deaths door I was told then after a few quick tests that I had Multiple Myeloma. A very tough
type of cancer. Of course I didn't have that either, and after about a week of being in the
hospital I was given an HIV test as just a precaution. The thing I learned from all this is
simple. Had I been given an HIV test at any point prior to this I would never have gotten so
sick. But people put you in categories. I was married and in a monogamous relationship for
almost ten years. I was not in a typical risk category. So I must have had something else.
Right? Well after becoming educated about HIV, it's progression and symptoms I was quite
shocked to learn that I had been describing to my different doctors all along classic HIV
infection and signs of it becoming AIDS. Any other disease would be openly discussed with
your doctor. But not AIDS. It seems that the attitude is that it must be for other people.
Well, HIV does not discriminate. It does not care who you are, or what your station in life is.
It affects equally men, women, and all different types of all of us. Rich or poor? HIV does not
care. Straight or Gay? HIV does not ask. HIV does not care about your moral standing or
your politics. It will have the same affect on you no matter what. And once you are
diagnosed you won't care either. You will only want to be treated like you always were.
This is, after all I have been through, what I wish for the most. To be who I once was. That is
to say someone without HIV and AIDS. But since I cannot change that fact, and that I am
and always will be an AIDS patient, I will try to change something else. I will try to change
how people view other people that are suffering with HIV. I say suffering because people
with HIV or AIDS truly do suffer. We suffer the whispers and rumors of what we must have
done to deserve this disease. We suffer the questions about our sex life and our sexuality.
We suffer the thought of having to disclose to others. The list goes on and on. Some of the
things are out there right in are face. Like , when telling a doctor something is wrong and
hearing "That's just part of HIV", when in fact there is probably something that can be done
to help you. The hardest things are those that are not right there in front of you. Like the
time I was called from one of my ex coworkers that there was rumor about me that I had
AIDS. UGH, how do you go about explaining to hundreds and hundreds of people
something that you are counselled from the beginning to keep to yourself.
After more than four years, this website is my answer. It is just a beginning, and I have lots
of work to do. I want people to accept me, and everyone else for that matter with HIV and
AIDS, as normal people. So help me out and be my friend. I promise I will be yours.
Peace and Love,Scott
you and that everyone you came in contact with automatically new it? Sometimes I feel that
way about my having AIDS. On one hand I want to keep it secret. So that no one will judge
me or think anything is wrong with me. On the other hand there are times that I want to
shout it out. Of course what I need to find is some kind of middle ground. I can tell you ,for
me, that has been very difficult. One of the reasons that I am putting this website up and
sharing this part of my life is to help me find that middle ground. So if I am gonna be your
friend, you need to know a little bit about me.
I am 43 years old at the startup of my campaign. I live in Moreno Valley, California. I have a
modest home here, that I am currently sharing with my dog "Dory", and my cat "Kitty ". I
have a great and super supportive family. My parents live near by and I have four brothers. I
am the middle of five boys. Yes, five boys, my poor Mom! LOL, she still has all her hair and
is a wonderful person. My Dad is retired from the Aerospace industry. They are both very
successful people and have and still do lead great lives. Three of my brothers live close by
with another living in Sacramento. So we are all still in California. My family has supported
me since day one with HIV and I love them for that. I could not ask for a better family.
I have a great son that is fourteen years old. He lives with his family out of state and comes
regular to stay with me. Just recently we had our conversation about HIV and I was so proud
of his reaction, and knowledge of the disease. If only everyone would react like he did then
HIV would be so much easier to deal with. He is a great student, and very close with his
brother. He has overcome some difficult times in his life and I am very, very proud of my boy.
I retired from my career with Riverside County Department of Social Services shortly after
being diagnosed with AIDS. When I was very ill I had the support of practically the whole
department. It is not easy to explain the good feelings generated in oneself when your
coworkers and peers do little things like bring you food and send letters to you when you
are such a low point in your life. I am very grateful for all the support I received during this
time of my illness. I guess you could describe my time working for the County as someone
that worked hard and learned from others. I was lucky to have a mentor in my friend Jim. He
was an instrumental guide in my developing and successfully implementing new software
that helped transform the way my department did business. Creating the Medi-Cal
Automation Program (MAP) is one of my best achievements in the workplace. It taught me
to persevere, to take suggestion, to have confidence in my abilities and my belief that
anyone can make a difference when they have a good idea and are willing to put in the
effort and dedication to make it a reality. Good lessons that I still draw from today.
Since being diagnosed in July of 2003 I have been retired. I say retired to people and they
are always surprised. I was very fortunate with my situation at work that I could take a
medical retirement and that is what I survive on. MY health has been a struggle for almost
four years to get back to "normal", though I feel I have a ways to go yet in this challenging
area brought upon by HIV. I was diagnosed with advanced HIV disease, also known as
AIDS. I had 23 T-cells and a viral load that was off the charts. I had at that time several very
serious health issues that I am glad to say I have overcome for the most part. Most people
say I look very good for having AIDS. LOL, isn't that a funny thing to say. But I think it is
meant with the best of intentions. Today I struggle with Neuropathy and HIV related
Myelopathy, both of which can be at times very painful and difficult. Also all the usual, what I
call minor now, things related to having AIDS and taking the medicines to help control the
virus. Things like fatigue, appetite, nausea, and the dreaded diarrhea. All of these come
with multiple pills and remedies which at times can be a bit overwhelming. Despite all this, I
still feel fortunate. They are others that do not have access to medical care, do not have the
good fortune of having a steady income, and do not have a lot of people in their lives to
support them.
Now isn't that a funny thing to say. I have AIDS and I feel fortunate? Well yes , in some
ways I count myself very lucky. I am still alive, I could very easily not be alive. I went through
almost two years of going to the doctor complaining of various different problems. Each time
I was told it's nothing, or its just the flu, or even to brush my teeth more. But because AIDS
is so taboo, and such a stereotyped disease, no one thought to give me a test. Instead, as I
got sicker and sicker I was told maybe it's cancer, or whatever other disease could be
causing my problems. When I finally showed up at the emergency room literally almost at
deaths door I was told then after a few quick tests that I had Multiple Myeloma. A very tough
type of cancer. Of course I didn't have that either, and after about a week of being in the
hospital I was given an HIV test as just a precaution. The thing I learned from all this is
simple. Had I been given an HIV test at any point prior to this I would never have gotten so
sick. But people put you in categories. I was married and in a monogamous relationship for
almost ten years. I was not in a typical risk category. So I must have had something else.
Right? Well after becoming educated about HIV, it's progression and symptoms I was quite
shocked to learn that I had been describing to my different doctors all along classic HIV
infection and signs of it becoming AIDS. Any other disease would be openly discussed with
your doctor. But not AIDS. It seems that the attitude is that it must be for other people.
Well, HIV does not discriminate. It does not care who you are, or what your station in life is.
It affects equally men, women, and all different types of all of us. Rich or poor? HIV does not
care. Straight or Gay? HIV does not ask. HIV does not care about your moral standing or
your politics. It will have the same affect on you no matter what. And once you are
diagnosed you won't care either. You will only want to be treated like you always were.
This is, after all I have been through, what I wish for the most. To be who I once was. That is
to say someone without HIV and AIDS. But since I cannot change that fact, and that I am
and always will be an AIDS patient, I will try to change something else. I will try to change
how people view other people that are suffering with HIV. I say suffering because people
with HIV or AIDS truly do suffer. We suffer the whispers and rumors of what we must have
done to deserve this disease. We suffer the questions about our sex life and our sexuality.
We suffer the thought of having to disclose to others. The list goes on and on. Some of the
things are out there right in are face. Like , when telling a doctor something is wrong and
hearing "That's just part of HIV", when in fact there is probably something that can be done
to help you. The hardest things are those that are not right there in front of you. Like the
time I was called from one of my ex coworkers that there was rumor about me that I had
AIDS. UGH, how do you go about explaining to hundreds and hundreds of people
something that you are counselled from the beginning to keep to yourself.
After more than four years, this website is my answer. It is just a beginning, and I have lots
of work to do. I want people to accept me, and everyone else for that matter with HIV and
AIDS, as normal people. So help me out and be my friend. I promise I will be yours.
Peace and Love,Scott